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Marriage

We as wives have been given great power, to bless and be supportive of our man. Why else would that mischievous snake have gone to Eve in the Garden of Eden, unless he knew this to be true? We can do a better job than Eve, ladies.

Jennifer's hero and husband, in front of a C-130

The Little Things

11/26/2013

 
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When my husband comes home from work, he parks in the driveway right by a tall hill that is somewhat landscaped but was overgrown with weeds this summer. That unattractive cliff is the first thing he sees when he comes home.

I never notice this hill. I don't pay any attention to it. The weeds never bother me.

He'd mention those weeds a lot, squirt them with weed fighter substance when he had time, and mention the pesky weeds again soon after that.

I finally realized that this was something that was really aggravating my husband. And I realized this was something I could do for him, was to get rid of those weeds. I'm here all the time, whereas his time at home is limited with working. So when I would go running this  summer, I'd spend 15 or 20 minutes pulling weeds afterward. I was sweaty and gross already from running, and the children were not awake yet to "help." I'm talking about the little helpers there. We give the older children lots of jobs, but even for them, this hill is steep, tricky and slippery with pine straw and probably chiggers whatever those are, so it was best left to the big people. Rather treacherous.

These weeds had some fight in them. They were more like medium sized bushes with stubborn personalities and roots to match. But I'm stubborn too, and I fought them for a little while each morning this summer.
It took about a month to really get those weeds licked. They rallied and grew back in a couple of times, but they surrendered eventually after they realized they had met their match.

The hill looks very nice now.

I think my husband is happier when he parks in the driveway.


If You Think You Want Out

11/23/2013

 
Scriptures on divorce
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I want to offer hope in the midst of a storm.

In trying to help two couples considering divorce, I went through my entire Bible, every page, and wrote down the scriptures that I thought would address pain and heartache in the context of marriage in the face of divorce.

Please read those by clicking on the button above. Please read them, before you make any decisions. Please read them, and decide to fight for your marriage with God as your strong Father. Nothing is too hard for Him.



That Snake

11/21/2013

 
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In his video series, I Kissed Dating Good-bye, Joshua Harris makes a case for young people to fight to protect their sexual purity. He talks about King David giving in to the temptation to commit adultery with Bathsheba. Mr. Harris points out that the only way this happened was for David to do the very first thing he should not have done. The very first thing was, he should have been off at war with the other whoop-up-on-bad-guys warrior types. But he was lazing at home. Then more steps after that. But that was the very first step. David was not where he should have been.

Maybe we can apply the same concept to Eve and therefore ourselves. She should not have been talking to that naughty snake in the first place. That snake was contradicting her husband. That snake was questioning God. "Did God really say that?" is the argument Satan used with her. And it is the argument he still uses with us.

If there is someone in your life who is contradicting your husband, or questioning God's word, run away. Distance yourself from that person. Or call them out on it if you prayerfully decide the Lord would have that, and give them a chance to shape up (Matthew 18).

Whoever is doing this to you, will someday be gone. Friends and even family can come and go. I don't care who they are, how compelling their arguments are, or what fits they pitch. We made a commitment and took a vow to our husbands. Don't let anyone get you distracted from that. Our loyalty lies with Almighty God and our husbands.


Who's the Brains Behind this Operation?

11/14/2013

 
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I really have to wonder what Eve said to Adam to get him to disobey God. It's one of those questions I'm going to ask when I get to heaven.

It's all in the same verse, the same sentence actually: "And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat." Genesis 3:6

That's it. She gave it to her husband with her, and he did eat.

The Bible says later that she truly thought she was right; the Bible says she was deceived but Adam's the one who knowingly sinned. So I don't think she pulled any female power plays (and neither should we, ever). She just truly and sincerely thought Adam didn't have all the information he needed. Which leads me to believe she overpowered him with her supposed insightfulness. I mean Satan did tell Eve all this compelling stuff about the virtues of the fruit. And Adam caved, under feeling unsure of himself while she was so sure of herself.

I don't want to take the lead in my marriage just because I think I've done the research.


Contentment

11/10/2013

 
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I stopped watching HGTV. I cut myself right off ladies. Haven't watched it in over a year now probably. It's that decorating channel with all these grandiose fun situations of extreme house makeovers and beautiful renovations. I liked the channel because it never brought me down or scandalized me the way so much of the smarmy content out there on TV does. I thought I'd found a nice fun wholesome little chick distraction when I just wanted to relax.

But guess what happened? No longer did I appreciate my beautiful house. No longer did I look around and see how lovely everything is and how blessed I am. Instead, I started walking around thinking, "Now if we just knocked out this wall.... and added a covered patio.... and if we expanded this room a little bit and added brighter fabric..." All of that looks so easy on HGTV. It's so easy, right? You just add a wall and little worker people come in and it takes 30 minutes and it's so much nicer now.

My husband lets me stay home with our children while he slays the dragon and provides for our family. He works as a pilot for an airline and also flies for the National Guard part time. We joke that we are a two-income family: my husband has two incomes. So I really appreciate his working so hard while I stay home. We're not cheap, the children and me. He is very devoted to taking good care of us. I decided adding a bunch of grandiose decorating ideas to our life was really not being the kind of wife I want to be. It displayed a lack of contentment that I didn't like in myself.

Every now and then I'll replace a lamp shade for 20 bucks. I painted a room gray-ish blue to cover up my dark red phase I was over. Paint's pretty cheap but it can take a lot of time to give yourself projects like that. I got new curtains on sale to replace the 20 year old ones in our bedroom. We can replenish and update little things gradually. But no more grand scale ideas for me.

No more HGTV for me. You might be able to watch it for fun and not start day-dreaming about granite counter tops but I can't. And I try not to stare too long at the pretty rooms in my Southern Living magazines either. My house is just fine the way it is. It's really beautiful actually and I love it. I think my husband likes to know I feel that way about it.


Dear Military Wife

11/8/2013

 
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I'm so proud of you, dear military wife, and so grateful to you. My husband is Air Force, which he calls the country club of the military, so we are not sacrificing and working nearly as much as many of you. We haven't had to move much, but my husband has deployed overseas for a few months at a time throughout our marriage. 

 It's tough. We just want our daddy.    

Mindset is your first weapon in the battle of the wifely deployment department. You, dear military wife, are fighting a battle while your husband fights his. My husband has often said that when he is deployed at war, his wife has the harder job staying behind.

You are among the elite group of women like those in the Bible who stayed home while their men repeatedly went off to war. Feel honored that you share in this strength of character and sacrifice. We are a different breed. The deployments make you strong. 

The Psalms are my favorite thing to read when my husband is away. You realize when you read the Psalms that the Lord truly does understand how you feel. There's a lot in there about battles and triumphing over those. King David was really pouring his heart out when he wrote those Psalms. We don't have to read the Bible in order, ladies. No one's going to tell on you, if you skip some parts. Reading the Bible is just spending time with Him. Open up to the Psalms and you will have a rush of love pour over you that says you are not alone after all.



Romance

11/5/2013

 
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If some kindly gentleman wants to start a Triumphant Dudes blog, then you might find the following advice: how to get husbands to provide some dramatic and glamorous romance for their wives. As if. This is the place for us girls, and we don't need to be huddled together fussing about all the things our man needs to be doing for us. I'm not having it. We need to focus on what we can do to make our lives enjoyable. 

Chicks like romance. But, we play a game where we want our husband to read our mind and if the romance wasn't his idea, then it doesn't count. Then we get to pout. Instead, give yourself permission to come up with romantic ideas and plan them yourself. I think our husbands enjoy this stuff too while it's happening but, it's just not necessarily on their radar to plan it. My husband has done some very lovely, borderline extravagant things for me over the years, and I will always treasure that. But those things can't happen in real life on a regular basis. We ladies can keep the romance alive.  

It doesn't take a lot of money to be romantic. In the days when our children were all under age 12, my husband and I rarely had actual dates out together. Maybe once or twice a year when grandparents were visiting. But we still had romance. Now, the children are old enough to be left in charge for a little while and we go out to dinner about once a week. Guess who makes sure this happens? That would be me. Look at it like you are the social director helper person for the CEO of your family. Don't let it hurt your feelings that it was your idea. It's still fun, and my husband really looks forward to it. It gives me something to live for all week if things are rough or stressful around my house.

All you really need is four things.

1. Go sit somewhere pleasant after the children are in bed. Or away from the older ones who go to bed when you do. If you have a dining room you don't use every day, that works. You've been in the other areas of the house all day, toys are strewn about and the dining room is safe from crossfire usually. De-clutter for a few minutes if you have to. When the weather is nice, front porch is a pleasant place in the evenings.

2. Light a candle. Boom, it's romantic. This is after the children are in bed so it's dark and it makes things seem happy and cozy. I like big huge candles with two wicks in a jar so they burn evenly. We sometimes play jazz music.

3. Make some sort of special big person snack on a pretty plate. Something the children aren't allowed to have and spill all day long.

4. Have a sweet and happy attitude. This is not the time for complaining about the children or venting about clashes with family or friends. Ask him what's on his mind, ask him about his day, ask him how he's doing. Let him talk. It takes you out of your worn out world to hear the things that a man ponders. He will provide some very interesting big person conversation if you will listen. Tell him cute or funny things about the children from that day.

There's your romance. He didn't ask you to go on a cruise with him or give you a diamond bracelet while strolling through the streets of Paris. But what you've just done is a very sweet and romantic little time together. And it cost about $10 if you include the candle and the snack. Your children will be happy that their parents spend time together and somehow seem to stay in love. This kind of romance is very sweet and very real.



What if he isn't perfect?

11/1/2013

 
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Marriage is easy for you, Jennifer, you might be thinking. You have this perfect husband, this stud pilot guy who treats you right. You gush about him constantly and y'all are so in love. Everything is so perfect and easy for you. 

And I would respond: "Is that so?"

I never want to dishonor my husband, and I don't want you to dishonor yours, so I would like us to all talk in generalities about our men. No man but Jesus Christ has ever been perfect and so our husbands cannot be perfect. That means, surprise, mine isn't perfect.

I really do not want to drag each other through the details of that because the Bible says to "pour your heart out before the Lord." I've decided that if I changed the prepositional object in that sentence to anyone but the Lord, i.e., my chick friends such as you, I would be changing and therefore defying God's word. It has really grieved me to hear the way women casually criticize their husbands in public: perfect strangers standing in line at the post office, gab to anyone who will listen about their husband's mistakes, exposing their husband's weaknesses and failures.

I know there can be a great deal of pain in marriage. Different ladies have varying degrees of pain and heartache to endure in their marriages, at different times. I don't have all the answers of course, but I can tell you one thing I have learned, and that is this. We can decide to be committed to a loving marriage, no matter what a husband does or says. We don't get to wait until he's perfect before we will bestow all the things a loving wife would bestow. We will be waiting, frosty and bitter, the rest of our lives. Don't hold back, just love on him right now. Don't waste another moment of another day.     



    Author

    Jennifer Houlihan lives triumphantly in Georgia
    (USA) with her husband and their five children.


    Testimony

    Click to read Jennifer's
    Christian testimony.


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Photos used under Creative Commons from Monica's Dad, Davide Restivo, DeeAshley, fontplaydotcom, Lee Nachtigal, naydeeyah, L'eau Bleue, Images_of_Money, Nicholas_T, wallygrom, Stewart Black, arunkumud, quinn.anya, krystian_o, torbakhopper HE DEAD, *Vintage Fairytale*, Leanne1985