I Was A Closet Diva
Getting married to my husband was one of the happiest times in my life. Unfortunately, we had to come home after the one night honeymoon to an already established family. I had two little girls from prior relationships and a plethora of unresolved issues. Let’s just say that a Delta Jumbo jet could not fly all of the bags of drama that I had away.
My wonderful husband kept telling me that we are starting new. I would just grit my teeth, smile, and say okay. But, things were not okay, I was a “closet diva” and I didn’t know it. You know the kind of person that hides her shopping trips in the closet, fails to disclose the extra credit card, and even has a spare bank account to the dismay of her husband. I called it my “just in case plan.” Honestly, I wanted things my way and why shouldn’t I have it that way. I am supposed to be happy? Right? And, the only way for me to be happy is to have things my way. Burger King understands this concept, why can’t he? Well! My new husband did not get the memo and he wanted us to work together.
Together? That was a new concept for me. Although my parents have been married 40 years, my mother ran what was done and you could clearly see and hear that they were not together all the time on what she wanted. But, she always seemed to get her way. So, what is this togetherness thing, my “inner diva” needs to know.
Proverbs 1:5 NIV (New International Version) "let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance."
Over the past several years I have listened to what God had to say about my marriage. I had to get rid of all those items that I held secret in my closet. The Word of God truly convicted me and showed me that if I expected honesty and trust from my husband, then I too must become what I expect. I also now know that “submission” is not a “curse” word. I have learned that we all have to submit to one another in some way. If I can submit to a boss on a job, or an officer of the law, I can certainly submit to the husband that is following the leading and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
My wonderful husband kept telling me that we are starting new. I would just grit my teeth, smile, and say okay. But, things were not okay, I was a “closet diva” and I didn’t know it. You know the kind of person that hides her shopping trips in the closet, fails to disclose the extra credit card, and even has a spare bank account to the dismay of her husband. I called it my “just in case plan.” Honestly, I wanted things my way and why shouldn’t I have it that way. I am supposed to be happy? Right? And, the only way for me to be happy is to have things my way. Burger King understands this concept, why can’t he? Well! My new husband did not get the memo and he wanted us to work together.
Together? That was a new concept for me. Although my parents have been married 40 years, my mother ran what was done and you could clearly see and hear that they were not together all the time on what she wanted. But, she always seemed to get her way. So, what is this togetherness thing, my “inner diva” needs to know.
Proverbs 1:5 NIV (New International Version) "let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance."
Over the past several years I have listened to what God had to say about my marriage. I had to get rid of all those items that I held secret in my closet. The Word of God truly convicted me and showed me that if I expected honesty and trust from my husband, then I too must become what I expect. I also now know that “submission” is not a “curse” word. I have learned that we all have to submit to one another in some way. If I can submit to a boss on a job, or an officer of the law, I can certainly submit to the husband that is following the leading and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
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I submit to my husband, first, because I am commanded to do so. God does not make suggestions, so there is no such thing as “God’s submissive will” propaganda. Secondly, I submit, because my faith is not in my husband’s ability, but in God’s ability to work through my husband.
I love the role that God has given me as a helpmeet to my husband. God’s Word truly has helped me get rid of most of the baggage in my life, literally and mentally. Let me tell you this, when you pray for God to help your spouse and change his heart, you are really praying for God to change YOU. To God be the glory, all of my suitcases have come out of the closet, and there are no more hidden unknowns for my husband. Yes, the Got Junk trucks have come and gone over the years to remove the debris that had cluttered my life and kept me from having a deeper relationship with Christ. I am now ecstatic to shout, “GOT JESUS!” Proverbs 14:1(NIV) "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." |
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Love Your NeighborLuke 10:27 "So he answered and said, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,' and 'your neighbor as yourself.'” (NIV)
I recently started walking with some older ladies in my neighborhood. I was hesitant at first to join them, because I am a bit younger than they are. It is amazing to me what you can find out about people in such a short span of an hour. The group consists of three ladies. One lady is from the Caribbean and she is looking for a place to fellowship. She believes you have to be a good person, do the right things in life and keep working at it. Another lady does not attend a church; however, she considers herself a Christian, even though she believes in reincarnation and listens to psychics. Then the last lady is a Jehovah’s Witness. She told me to read Psalm 37, in reference to the comment I made about “death is a journey we all have to take.” My reason for telling you about these ladies is that I realized when I returned home, that I was in the mission field during the walk. I also realized there are many older people that have not accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. It’s interesting how I expected only to walk and receive some exercise. But, God intended for me to be a witness of His love to these ladies. Reflective Understanding: Being older does not make you wiser. It is easy to be consumed by your life, in your space and forget that we are called to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with all that God allows us to encounter. It is very easy to speak kindly or wave at our neighbors for years, yet never share with them the joy, healing and saving power message of Jesus Christ. God has called us to inspire the old and the young to come to Christ Jesus, through our own daily “walk” in Christ. Prayer: Our Father who art in Heaven, Lord allow me to be your vessel of your truth to my neighbors, and those that I meet in passing. The lady walking her dog, the Jehovah Witness knocking at my door, my neighbor washing his car on Sunday or mowing his grass instead of attending worship service. God I see how, many times you send the mission field to me, and I ignore them. Please forgive me and teach me how to be an effective witness for your kingdom and Glory. Amen |
My Mama Can Have Her Body BackAfter our sixth child, my husband and I agreed that it was time for me to work at home, instead of on a job. One thing that I have noticed about being at home is that, I just don’t make an effort to dress well, unless I am going to church. So, most of my days I am in big skirts or sweats. You may say what is the problem with that? Well, due to my lack of observance of my appearance and decreased body movement, weight decided to become my friend. I am now at my usual pregnancy due weight, without being pregnant. Second due to the lack of movement, I sound like “rice crispies” snap, crackle and pop getting up in the morning. Stiffness and pain have replaced my natural bounce. Lastly, if I don’t have someplace to go, combing hair and getting dressed is optional and this leaves my husband most days seeing me like he left me that morning, in rollers or looking like a “treasure troll.”
The final motivator for change in my life came one morning as I got out of the shower, looked in the mirror and with horror proclaimed, “My mama can have her body back.” It’s time for a change. Now, I love my mama, but I didn’t like the way her body looked growing up and I don’t want the health challenges she has today from the choices she made with food and lack of exercise. Therefore, I decided that I am making a conscious decision to be aware of what I put into this dwelling place of the Most High God. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 English Standard Version (ESV) "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." The fact that I represent Jesus Christ with this body to the world and the Holy Spirit dwells in me, should have been enough push to do better. Unfortunately, like many things I have struggled with in life, it’s not until God truly allows me to see myself “in the mirror” of His grace, that I finally see the need for change. Then to add insult to injury, some photos were taken of me at a wedding recently, that I helped set up. My husband saw them first and said “you are not going to like them.” Let’s just say I could have been on the cast of the movie “The Color Purple” out working in the cotton field, from what I saw of those pictures. So, as a motivational reference point, I posted the pictures on the refrigerator and bathroom mirror, to remind me of how I no longer want to look and feel. The journey may be long for me, but I have started to walk/jog in the morning. I have changed what we consume as a family, and I am starting to do more exercising. It’s slow going but necessary and yes, I have dessert setbacks, but I am continuing on the journey. The Lord constantly reminds me to take one day at a time, but just stay on the course. My goal is to feel better physically and not have the same health issues as my mom. This is indeed a lifestyle change, not a diet or a fad. I am choosing today to become a healthier and wiser “woman of God.” |