I can't find that in the Bible. It's not in there.
It's a bunch of complicated psychobabble to drone on and on and dissect each issue, conflict and facial expression in marriage. Meanwhile life's just passing us right by. As Charlotte Lucas says in Pride & Prejudice, we must accept that, in marriage, "there will always be vexation and grief," and she's right. The author who wrote those words mocks her own character for saying this. But now it's my turn to write and I say there was great wisdom in it.
I say, just forgive already.
We don't have enough time here on Earth to waste our days fleshing out every little thing. I used to think it was somehow dishonest to forgive right away in marriage. That if I didn't feeeeeeel happy then I couldn't forgive. Yeah well, it's not dishonest at all, it's just smart. We probably apply the forgiveness passages in scripture very easily and cheerfully to people who really could not care less about us. Random people. I don't know who these people are, but I've forgiven them. They put the wrong thing in my grocery bag at the store. They gossiped about me. They didn't keep their word. They beat me in a game of Mario Kart wii.
The most important person in a wife's life is her husband. If any energy from our hearts is going toward forgiveness in this life, it ought to first go to that guy. He's the guy. He's worthy of our forgiveness.
A very cool lady told me long ago that the secret to forgiveness is simply to choose to forgive as a matter of the will. It's a decision that you make. And then ask God to let your feelings catch up with that. Our feelings are not in control. God is in control. When we Christian ladies go around proclaiming, "God is in control," we can really live it when we apply forgiveness like this in our marriage.
My favorite passage on forgiveness is Ephesians 4:32 which says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as Jesus Christ has forgiven you." I always shrink in my chair a little at that last part. Oh yeah. Think what I've been forgiven for. Let's not think of it actually. I'm so small and worthless, so sinful and ashamed. If God can forgive me for what a mess I am, I can forgive my husband for anything at all. We need to take this passage as an order and a command rather than a suggestion. God is telling us to be kind to our husbands, to be tenderhearted toward them, to forgive them.
If a husband doesn't make a big fuss over his wife on a special occasion, has a grumpy day or days, behaves in an offensive manly fashion, disappoints his wife or hurts her feelings, all of which is to say, displays the fact that he is only human, then all she needs to do is announce to the Lord that she forgives him. And then ask the Lord to get her feelings to catch up with that.
Where else does it matter more than in marriage, to apply the passage in Matthew 6:3, "don't let your right hand know what your left hand is doing"? Otherwise known as, "keep no record of wrongs." 1 Corinthians 13.
That is the Bible defining love.