Feeling more like a kindergartner's finger paint in black and blue, I asked God for wisdom. I sat on my front porch and read my Bible for a few hours one evening after my younger children were in bed. I listened for God's wisdom. I happened to be in Ecclesiastes that day. Yawn, right? Actually no, the passages rocked. When we are in a state of brokenness, even the genealogies of the Old Testament can get us fired up and starry eyed.
Here's what Ecclesiastes 2:15 had to say to me about the awful fighting among my children. "Then said I in my heart, As it happeneth to the fool, so it happeneth even to me: and why was I then more wise?" So basically I took from this the following message: Soooooo, Little Miss Wisdom? Little Miss Read Her Bible Every Minute of Every Day? Turns out your problems are just the same as any fool's.
God never leaves us high and dry though, after He flatlines us like that and cuts us down to proper size. The author of Ecclesiastes feels me. "Therefore I hated life." says Ecclesiastes 2:17. I'm like, stop it oh my goodness, so do I. Wow no way. He goes on to say, "Yea, I hated all my labour which I had taken under the sun." And I'm all: That's what I'm sayin. Why did I even become learned (you have to pronounce that "Learn Ed" to sound King Jamesy), if I'm just going to end up with a big platter of grumpiness. Well poo. I could've just watched chick flicks and sipped pineapple coconut smoothies all day instead.
Then I'm wondering, Um, now how does he wrap this book up again? He replies to us in the very last two verses:
"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter," (yes, let's.) "Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good or whether it be evil."Ecclesiastes 12:13-14.
One of my favorite things about reading the Bible all the way through over and over again from cover to cover as a part of our lives, is that no matter what is bringing us down, tearing us apart, or grieving our hearts, somewhere in that Book, someone is saying: I understand. Keep fearing God. Keep His commandments. Keep doing what you are doing. God's the judge. Just do your Godly woman thing. Do your duty. God understands the struggles along the way. Your devotion won't be all for nought.