No, I don't play tennis. Though I admire those who do. Any surrounding wildlife, vehicles and glass windows are endangered when I play tennis. The last time I played tennis was 20 years ago with my husband before we were married, and we spent most of the time trying to get the ball away from his golden retriever, who kept chasing after my wild returns. The dog thought the ball was for him, much like the deer in our neighborhood think our strawberry plants are their salad buffet. I think I got the ball over the net possibly four times. It's not my game.

Every January many of us chicks become inspired to do a little better with our health and exercise. Taking care of our bodies and our health can't be something we base on our emotions, though. Unfortunately, those emotions generally wear off by February-ish and we might give up. Exercise has to become a year-round habit. I hope maybe a couple of these suggestions will help you be successful with exercise and keep it up, even when it's April and you could not care less.

1. Find a time of day that works for you. Your lifestyle, mainly meaning the people you are responsible for, is going to come in the way of your exercising if you don't pick a time when those people are on auto-pilot and can do without you. For me that's around 6:00 a.m. The only way this is possible is for me to not think about exercise, but rather I think about putting on my exercise clothes and I go outside. That much I can do. I try to go to bed at a reasonable time the night before, too. I take my dog along on my run and that motivates me because he needs a morning walk; I need to work off yesterday's dark chocolate chips. At a time of day when I can get icky and sweaty before I shower and fix my hair. I homeschool my children, so early morning is my favorite time, but if your children go to school, then (duh) early morning is the worst time. Find the time of day that works. When it becomes a part of your day, then you don't have to think about it as much and it is more likely to happen. If you truly want to stick with it, your brain has to send exercise into the same categories as showering, eating, reading your Bible and sleeping. I try to exercise every day (except Sundays) but I feel like if I make it three days a week that's really good. Do you know who that just sounded like? Dolly Parton in that movie when, asked what her shoe size was, said, "I wear a 7 but an 8 feels so good I buy a 9."
   
2. Find an activity that is realistic and not torturous. I like to run. Someday maybe I can join a gym, but for now, I can hardly get out the door to go to the grocery store without causing an uproar in my family. Ain't no way I can actually drive to a gym, it's just not happening. I like being outside anyway. I feel like a lab rat when I'm on a treadmill. And gyms are stinky. Too much spandex for my taste too. Of course the downside is that my running outside routine depends on decent weather which I can sort of count on in Georgia. Clearly you are at a disadvantage if you live in Vermont. Some ladies I know can't get enough of Zumba but that would make me insane. What inspires someone else might not inspire you. It doesn't mean you can't exercise, it just means you need a different activity. It might take a month of a workout class to figure out that you don't really like it. Try something else. Part of getting your exercise groove on is figuring out if you are an exercise groupie or loner. Do you like classes with other ladies? Do you like brisk walks with a friend? I'm more of an exercise loner. It's just me and the pavement. In a couple of decades when my knees give out, I'll have to find something else besides running. It won't be tennis. Or Zumba.
   
3. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Just don't do that. Okay?
   
4. Feel happy in your clothes. I have some moisture-friendly tops and pants that are comfortable to exercise in. They are modest but don't make me feel frump. I lay my exercise clothes out the night before, because any little thing such as not wanting to fumble around in the dark to find a pair of socks while trying to not wake up your husband, can make you say: Oh forget it already. And you go back to bed. More importantly, I stopped cheaping out on my shoes. For years I suffered through tired cheap shoes because I'm not in the Olympics. I didn't think my run was worth the money. My son finally talked me into getting myself a very nice pair of running shoes and I feel like my feet are not even there. My feet are very happy and I feel sproingy in these shoes. I was having to work against my shoes before, to overcome bad clunky shoes. I justify the shoe expense with the fact that I don't pay a gym membership. And as my Mom says, if you wait long enough everything goes on sale. I got a pair of last year's high end running shoes for 50 percent off. I really do not think my dog cares that they are last year's style. 
5. Chew some gum. I heard somewhere that the taste of spearmint or peppermint psyches out your brain and makes you think you're hydrated and perky when you're really not. You can trick your brain while you're exercising and then drink lots of water afterward. I'm telling you, gum really gives me some endurance, especially in the hot summer. It's weird.
6. Play good music. Without music I think I would never go running again. Music makes it fun. Music makes me feel like I'm dancing. Not just random dancing, but my music is Christian worship music. So I feel like I am dancing before the Lord. I'm starting my day with some explosive worship for my savior Jesus Christ. Which gives me this surge of inspiration to tackle the rest of the day. It makes my exercise meaningful rather than just a hamster running on a wheel. Zumba truly did give one of my friends victory over dreading exercise because the music is so fun and cha-cha-cha. She started to look forward to exercise and it became a joy. She'd found her thing. Music is strange because what makes me say to my teenager in the car, "Could we please turn the volume down a little bit?" is the very thing I want to exercise to when I'm alone. I want lively music when I'm exercising. The songs I chillax to in my home would put me to sleep or really grate when I'm exercising. I start out warming up to "Hallelujiah" by Heather Williams, a step down in rock out-ness from that Switchfoot song I told you about in a different blog.
   
7. Last but not least, pray about your exercise. If you start to get defeated in this area, ask God for some inspiration and guidance. He helped me figure out everything I've just told you. Our Lord's all over helping us live victorious lives when our hearts are devoted to Him. Then you can give Him the glory when people ask how is it that you are so fit and buff?
   

Oh and the deeper, more profound meaning of that tennis ball picture? Since I am not actually playing tennis? I keep a tennis ball in my nightstand drawer, so that when my back is hurting I lie down on the tennis ball. Gives some mean pressure point massage action. It's divine. Best use of a tennis ball I can think of. You'll feel like you've been to a spa. And child we deserve a pretend spa experience after all that exercise.

After my barely 5-year-old daughter's dental cleaning this morning, the hygienist came over to speak to me and let me know my daughter did great. And then she told me my daughter announced during the cleaning that she does not like the princess character Jasmine, "because she's not modest."

I love that my preschooler gets it.

This is the same little girl who, at age 3, looked up at me and said, "We don't want to be like Adam and Eve. We want to be like Noah."

Okay girls. Ding ding on the glass, attention please. I have some important follow-up cross-examination statements to make regarding your hair and frizz for further review.

If your hair is frizzing out on you, try leaving in some conditioner after you wash it, just on the ends. As in, you leave this conditioner in all day and never wash it out. It is like lotion for your hair.

And drink a lot of water, all day every day. Your hair is thirsty, girlfriend.

My hair is thick and frizzy with some wave to it. It started turning gray 10 years ago which I don't think is a funny joke at all. I totally color it and plan to keep coloring it until I'm 70.

Who really cares, is the question. Well, I think our husbands appreciate it when we spend a little time in front of the mirror. They don't know exactly what is making them happy, kind of like when you mop the kitchen floor or dust the living room. They don't know you mopped or dusted, they just know the house looks nice.      

I did the short Mom hair cut a long time ago, and when I found out my husband prefers my hair long, I grew it out and have worn it long ever since then. Not because I am a repressed robot wife with no brain who is putty in the hands of male dominance evil global forces. But because I think it is sweet and womanly to please my husband. It's an act of kindness.

I think that, as Christians, we should try to honor God with the way we present ourselves. Our outer beauty should reflect the inner beauty that we know is there. And if you are a homemaker, keeping yourself looking nice helps you take your job more seriously. The days I've blown off fixing my hair, have been days that I never quite feel on top of things as a wife and mother. 

I abuse my hair with chemicals and heat. But guess what? New healthy hair eventually grows in. After I wash and condition my hair, I blow dry it straight using a gigantic round brush which takes some very acute hand-eye coordination and requires a six-feet diameter of personal space so that I do not harm myself or others. I use some goo first that's supposed to protect it from heat damage. I flat iron it sometimes if I'm feeling especially sassy. It takes about 15 minutes, maybe 20 tops.

I do all this because I've noticed that my husband likes it. He's too smart to actually tell me that, but I've noticed. When I don't have what it takes to blow-dry the beast straight but instead let it do its unplugged and wild woman curly thing, I have some goo that took me 15 years to find, after trying a million things to make my hair look pretty curly vs. ugly curly. I'd tell you what it is but everyone's hair is different and you'll be mad at me when it doesn't do right. Everyone has to figure out her own hair goo. I let it dry on its own with the goo on it, then a couple hours later go back and pull a few sections through a curling iron, to make it look like it was curly on purpose rather than something tragic happened to me. If you take a strand from the front and part it the other way and tuck it behind your ear, it looks nice in the front and less Bee Gees.

I fix my hair even if I'm not really going anywhere that day. I fix my hair even when my husband is going out of town and won't see me. I want other people to see me and say, "Oh that's that pilot guy's wife. She looks kind of nice today." We're our husbands' pride and joy.

So ladies I bought a pair of skinny jeans today. Yes I did. I've been resisting it for a long time now, hoping it would go away like I hoped cropped pants would. I like my Gap boot legs.

I have given birth to five babies so, I'm just wondering: Are skinny jeans that attractive for me? Extremely wide mommy hips tapering down to tiny ankles. Does the world need to see that, I really don't know. The hip to ankle proportional attractiveness ratio is a little disorienting and possibly not working in my favor.

I had them on earlier and did not even feel like an Earthling. I could not move my knees. I walked around the house like I was attached to a large plank. Not moving my arms for greater effect. I announced in my best raspy old lady voice that I needed an oxygen tank and an IV.   

My 13-year-old daughter said, "Mom, just be yourself. You don't need to wear skinny jeans." That was really sweet. But I say, I am being myself in trying somewhat to keep up with the bizarre styles as they change over the years. I'm trying to power through the fashion trend like a champ.

Does anyone else my age (I'm 42) notice they are looking mighty eighties in these jeans? I mean all I need is a baggy U2 concert t-shirt and some big bangs with hairspray and I'm there. It's fun to go with the fashion flow to an extent. That whole shoulder pad phase back in the day really did need to phase out. So we are relieved sometimes, but other times I get the feeling the fashion world designer people are playing a big joke on us. If we wear the skinny jeans, we have to revamp our whole balance equilibrium scene. The tops have to be flowy and tunic-chic rather than tailored. The shoes can't be clunky clogs but rather whispy little things. You change the jeans, you change your whole equilibrium. And then you buy more stuff. It's a beautiful thing for the fashion industry. Thus my stubborn resistance until now.

My extremely cute neighbor told me I can pull it off and to try them out under tall brown boots or wear them with ballet flats. All right, I'll give it a whirl but if people think I have gone '80s for Halloween I will not be surprised.